These Three Things I Know Are True - Part One

Okay, nothing is 100%. There are always exceptions to every rule. In all the years I have worked child welfare I have not seen many exceptions, and those I saw I question. When caring for children who have been traumatized, (every child in the system of care), you can count on these three things:

Children always love their birth parents

If you want a definition of unconditional love, you do not have to look any further than the heart of a child. It does not matter the type of abuse or situation brought the child into care. Trust me on this. When you want to “set your child straight” regarding their bio parent because your child doesn’t appreciate all you are doing; bite your tongue. It is unnecessary and you will lose the heart of your child.

Unnecessary - because they will figure it out on their own. It may take their late teens or early adulthood for the pieces to connect, but it will happen.  

You will lose the heart of your child – Your child will raise sword and shield in defense of their birth parents. You lose the moment you make it an “us versus them” issue. Seriously, just don’t go there.

Children always feel the guilt

I don’t really know why this is, but you also see it children of divorce. Somehow our children take it upon themselves that they are the reason the marriage dissolved or somehow it is their responsibility to bring their parent’s back together. In the case of children who have been removed from their birth family this guilt may be compounded due to a sibling’s accusation that they “caused the problem” or if the abuse or neglect was discovered due to something they said or someone seeing marks on their body.

Our children just don’t get it until much later (with much loving reinforcement), that their only responsibility in life is to be a child and grow. Caring for the child and themselves is the parent’s responsibility. Be aware of this especially when your child seems to always be lying or hiding something. Guilt can be a beast.

Children hold on to the belief their birth family is going to “save” them.

This goes back to that unconditional love. With love comes limitless hope. Our children are fountains of hope.  Regardless all evidence to the contrary, they cling to the hope that birth mom and dad are going to finally get it together and show up at the door one day to take them back home.

Of course it doesn’t happen. There is a reason our child languished in the system and it is not because social services needed more children to care for. This leads to countless heart breaks. I wrote previously of the difficulty our children face as they turn 18 and often try to reconnect with birth family.

This is one reason why many children have difficulty in fully giving themselves to a new family: it feels like a betrayal of their birth family; and again we come back to guilt.

 Kevin

Guest Speaker Maurice Webb and Adoption Competency Training

The Sylvia Thomas Center has a couple of big events coming up that we hope you will consider taking a part in: Oct. 14^th Guest Speaker Maurice Webb and Oct. 31^st – Nov.4^th  Adoption Competency Certification Training

Sylvia Thomas Center Training Institute Presents:                           

Guest Speaker Maurice Webb

National lecturer and author of Growing Up in the Care of Strangers will present Friday, October 14^th, 9:00am to 1:00pm.  He will be speaking on “Youth and Family Engagement: Systematic Approaches for Stakeholders” covering the following topics:

·         Identifying strategies to engage families and youth in the permanency process.

·         How to affectively use therapists, social workers, family, etc. as stakeholders.

·         His experiences as a former youth in the system of care, becoming a parent and his experience as a professional in the child welfare field.

·         Capturing the failures and success of how to engage the whole family.

This one day invitation is open to the public.  Seating is limited. 

Please RSVP by contacting Sylvia Thomas Center (813) 651-3150 or e-mail kroles@sylviathomascenter.org

Cost: $30.00

Location:   The Children’s Board of Hillsborough County   

      1002 E. Palm Avenue
      Tampa, FL 33605

Seating is limited.  Please RSVP by contacting Sylvia Thomas Center (813) 651-3150.

Also coming up:

Adoption Competency Certification Training

Through this intensive program you will learn invaluable tools to support you in providing for the unique needs of our children in Child Welfare and Adoptions and the families who care for them.  No matter your role, if you touch the life of a child in the system of care, who has been adopted or the parents of these children, this training is for you. 

This one-week training covers Attachment, Transition, Abuse & Neglect, Brain Development and so much more.

Added Benefits

With completion of this state-certified training:

·         You have the opportunity to become credentialed to provide specialized Adoption Training services with the Children’s Board ASO (Administrative Services Organization). STC’s Adoption Competency Training is a standard credential requirement for a number of adoption-related ASO services.

·         Listing on the Children’s Board website as an Adoption Competent provider.

·         Listing on the Sylvia Thomas Center’s web-site as an Adoption Competent Provider.

·         DCF Certification recognizing you have completed of Adoption Competency Training.

·         Therapist may be listed on the www.adoptflorida.org website.

·         Have CEU opportunities for some licensed providers.

Details:

Trainings are scheduled quarterly with each session lasting one full week; 36 hours.  Classes are from 9:00am to 5:30pm Monday through Thursday and 9:00am to 3:45 on Friday.  The trainings take place at The Children’s Board of Hillsborough County. 

Location: 1002 E. Palm Ave, Tampa, FL

               33605, in the Ybor City area.

2011-2012 schedule:

• 10/31/2011 – 11/4/2011
• 2/27/2012 – 3/2/2012
• 6/4/2012 – 6/8/2012
• Fall 2012 – TBD

Class fees are $195 for the complete training.  CEU’s are offered for an additional $50.  Registrants are eligible for CEU’s if they are licensed for one or more of the following: 

·         Florida Board of Clinical Social Work (LCSW)

·         Marriage and Family Therapy (MFT)

·         Mental Health Counseling (MHC)

Registration:

For more information or to register, contact Kitty Roles at the Sylvia Thomas Center kroles@sylviathomascenter.org or (813) 651-3150.  Additional information and registration forms will be forwarded as requested.  Fees are to be paid at time of registration.    Scholarships may be available based on individual need.

Kevin D. Slack, M.A.

Director of Training

Lead trainer, Kevin Slack, M.A. is certified by NACAC as an Adoption Competent Trainer and has provided training for Adoption Competency since October of 2008.  Mr. Slack is Director of the Sylvia Thomas Center Training Institute and has over 23 years experience working in the field of child welfare and adoptions.  He has a wealth of knowledge which he actively shares with students.

Ginger M. Martin, LCSW

Adoption Support Counselor/Trainer

Co-Trainer, Ginger Martin, LCSW is an Adoption Competent provider and trainer.  Ms. Martin has 7 years experience working in the field of child welfare and adoptions.  These years included case management, therapeutic services, as well as, training potential foster and adoptive families.  

She enjoys sharing her experiences

with her students.

Got a minute? You could save a family…

Many of you saw the recent news reports regarding the Sylvia Thomas Center and our funding concerns. I have asked our Executive Director Denise Jamieson to write this next blog to answer some of the most asked questions.

Kevin

Got a minute?  You could save a family…

Most of you have heard about the funding challenges the Sylvia Thomas Center is facing.  Our primary funder for the past eleven years has been the Children’s Board of Hillsborough County and we are extremely grateful for that support.  However, due to cuts in tax revenue and the taxpayer referendum it will face in 2016, the Children’s Board decided to significantly reduce the funding of most of the agencies it supports and limit future funding to organizations focusing on early childhood school readiness.

So, on August 25^th, the Children’s Board announced that our total funding for next year would be cut by slightly more than 20%, equating to $73,000.  This was shocking because we had only been anticipating an 8% cut.  The cuts begin on October 1, 2011.  That gave us just 5 weeks’ notice.

The Sylvia Thomas Center needs to raise $73,000 on its own this year, something we have never done before, in order to continue helping adoptive and pre-adoptive families and their precious, precious children. 

Adopted children suffer deeply from feelings of abandonment, in their minds feeling they have been abandoned by their biological moms, often abandoned by a myriad of foster moms, and are now, because of their emotional wounds, in danger of being abandoned by their adoptive moms.  The teens in our Teen Scene support group said to us, “You cannot abandon us too.  We need you.”

We cannot let these children and families down.  The board and staff of the Sylvia Thomas Center are committed to raising the funds not only for this year but for the years to come.

However, we need YOUR help!

Partner with us and you could save a family.  In fact, you will save a family.  In eleven years of operation we have had only one adoption dissolve among families receiving our case management services.  However, many of the families have said that, without our help, they would have dissolved the adoption.  The Sylvia Thomas Center puts the “forever” in forever families but we cannot do it alone.

Through our website or through the mail, please consider making a one-time donation or support us on a monthly basis.  The healing continues only if partners like you stand up and stand beside us.  Any amount makes a difference in these families’ lives.  If you can make a gift of $5,000 or more, please call me directly (813.651.3150) so we can talk about ways to leverage your gift.

It only takes a minute, and you could save a family…

Dee Jamieson, CEO

Social Security Stipend and Adoptions Tax Refund

(One of our families shared this with me and I am sharing it with you.)

Hey Kevin,

Thought you might like to share this info with other adoptive families.

I found out that if you adopt a child who has been diagnosed with ADHD the child may be eligible for social security benefits in addition to the stipend from HKI. Those parents need to call Social Security and make an appointment to talk to them. They will tell you what you need to do and/or take with you to your app’t.

In addition, I found out that since I am over 65 and get social security, my son is able to get something called Aux Child Benefits, which in our case give him more money each month than SSD (or SSI??) would.

It’s worth checking into. Please pass this info on!!

Thanks for everything you’ve done to help us.

NMM

P.S.   Yes, you can get an adoption refund on income tax because of the change in the law this year. The first tax person I went to at an H & R Block near my house said I couldn’t because my son was not a special needs child. Thankfully a foster mom friend of mine, who has also adopted some of her children, directed me to her H & R Block tax person and sure enough in FL if a child is adopted from the foster system he/she is considered “Special Needs”.

(I know you had a speaker at Sylvia Thomas recently and I was not able to make that session but there may be other parents who have adopted and are still not aware of this law. If they don’t act soon they may miss this small window of opportunity!!)

HOPE THIS INFO HELPS SOMEONE!!